


somber | sugawara koushi

by guiltybydesign



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Suggestive Themes, daichi and asahi are like mentioned so, idk lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24454072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guiltybydesign/pseuds/guiltybydesign
Summary: sugawara neglects to avoid doing the same old mistakes. the same mistakes equivalent to reality.
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 44





	somber | sugawara koushi

**Author's Note:**

> SOMBER is also cross-posted on my haikyuu side-blog ! [ @/fukuronani ]  
> it's heavily inspired by the song "new person, same old mistakes" by tame impala. i highly suggest you give it a listen!  
> banner is also created by me :)

  
  
  
  
there was a side to you that **sugawara koushi** couldn't quite place his hands-on. it irked him in a way that he can't exactly explain. to put it thoroughly, it's like comparing misleading signs - signs he couldn't read. there was a partial thought in the depths of sugawara's mind, _will i be in too deep?_

he certainly hopes not. it will be a struggle for sure, begetting to deal with taking risks and caching his feelings in check. 

though, in parallel to both his heart and mind, he doesn't mind taking flight in either.

coming over your place was like a natural thing sugawara affixed to his routine after school hours, something nearly akin to second nature. he needn't have to ring the doorbell or knock at the door to have you alerted of his presence. you gave him a spare key after all. he enters your modest residence as if it was his place that he just resided in. he tries to be patient and earnest about it, but fatigue trailing after him like an endless marathon socked him in the face before he could utter words.

the silver-haired setter plants face-first on the soft material of your cushion couch, breathing in the fragrance of the freshly cleaned cute throw pillows you had on for display. he faintly recalls your lavender-like scent, mixed with a tinge bit of vanilla and mocha - a smell so distinct that it essentially revulsed him at how quick he was to recognize the fading scent.

it was perplexingly heartening in his weird ways. (why wouldn't it be, it's your stuff after all)

the sound of the door clicking minutes after his arrival didn't go unnoticed. "ah, sugawara, i didn't expect you to be here so soon," your voice sounded muffled in his ears at how he's buried two pillows against the sides of his face. he'd assumed you to be late (like you always were), so it wasn't a big deal that he constantly manages to somehow get to your home first before you do.

"i thought you had practice today?"

"we do. just need to charge up for now.. not much to make do since finals are coming up and all," was his muffled reply. that was just a simple white lie. he _did_ have practice today - it's just that he was trying to come up with numerous justifications of _why_ he's late. (that or he just wanted to spend a couple of hours lounging about in your home)

you huff at his slothful disposition. you sometimes think sugawara is a little too comfortable with you letting him barge in your house like he even pays for rent. sure, the company he gives you is lively, but you considered having him pay for using you as a live source for shelter and food. 

even with that kind of reasoning, you don't exactly mind nor were you gonna lament.

"humph!" sugawara makes a surprised noise as you jumped on top of him, your weight burying him further on the plushness of the couch. his muffled protests that reached your ears sent you into a fit of small giggles, a free hand coming down to ruffle his blanche, soft and unruly hair.

"(n-name)--! mhmmp!" 

"what was that? sorry, i can't hear you over the sound of your anguish," you snorted, adding a small bounce from your position to add on the burden he feels with you on top of him. 

by now, sugawara was wearied enough just let you do this. it's fine, just harmless fun. but when suffocating between the couch and a long-time crush and having to choose between air and you - you ought to have another thing coming. within minutes of you cackling like mad, he's pulled off the pillows beside him, successfully managing to hit you with one square on the face before he tackled you on the opposite side of the couch.

your chortles were rashly cut short by a surprised yelp and a force that pushed you off on your back. sugawara towered over your figure, triumph evident on his features. you stared right back with slight annoyance and a small blush coating your cheeks. this was new.

"i thought i told you to _not_ suffocate me between your couch anymore, (name)," he sticks his bottom lip out in a small pout. his little complaint only had you rolling your eyes, a chuckle slipping past your lips as you slapped a hand underneath his jawline, moving his face up and away from yours. 

"when have i ever, suga? i don't think i can recall," you subtlely tease him. it was just too fun to poke fun at sugawara - especially acknowledging the fact that he might've purposely came over first instead of going to practice.

he whines, attempting to slap away your hand. instead, he promptly leans his entire weight on you, head finding solace within the soft material of your clothing. it occurred to him that you still haven't changed from your uniform, but he didn't bother commenting on it either.

the two of you laid in comfortable silence for a while. that was until you broke it.

"do you wanna kill some time watching a movie?"

"what kind?"

"anything you want. i'm fine with whatever."

"how about _someone great_? i haven't watched that yet," sugawara smiles, lifting his head as stares down at your face. you smile back, closing your eyes as a soft chuckle emits from your throat.

"i don't mind."

* * *

you two somehow ended up cuddling in the middle of the movie. sugawara questions his morals. it's purely platonic, right? they're best friends, _there's nothing else to it_. sugawara mostly says this to himself in his head to convince himself that cuddling can be platonic. 

he just wished he could stop thinking of it as something more.

minutes in the movie, he finds himself relating to jenny. it's ironic. maybe he only feels that way because the story is told in her perspective. nothing that derives from his feelings. 

however, something about this moment seemed peculiar to the silverette. he didn't know if it was just him or how your features seemed to be enhanced upon closer inspection.

you were always beautiful in his eyes. he found himself drowning in the warm, earthy tones of your delicate skin. with your hair sprawled out on the surface of the sofa, contrasted by the sheen ruffles of your clothes.

you just looked so innocent, so serene. sugawara knows he shouldn't have. he should've had more self-control. 

but he loses it when he's around you.

he quickly leans down with a puff of excitement growing inside him while tilting his head to the right. his wet lips capture yours, gliding over smooth contrasting with chapped lips. sugawara pulls and bites on your bottom lip, eliciting a pleased sigh from you. his hands squeeze your hips, tongue tracing over your lips for sweet entrance. 

surprised, you grant access, letting him invade your mouth with a versatile tongue, his mouth sucking on your tongue felt like heavenly feathers. your lips smacked against his, pulling apart warm and wet tongues before darting back in with even more vigor. the intensity develops - heartbeats clamoring with painful bliss against your ribcages. you didn't pay attention to the movie anymore, too engrossed in each other's euphoria to divert consideration elsewhere.

_this was wrong_. sugawara knew that. but he couldn't pull himself away - not yet. the feeling of your body so close to his felt so _right_. you pull away first, lungs hopelessly and greedily sucking in the air but this was short-lived as his hand only pushed your head back, with noses bumping as he further divulged into the frenzy hot, steamy kiss with a groan. 

he couldn't get enough.

it was sort of surprising as to how _he_ was the first to pull away. a dense tint of red adorned his cheeks, breath heavy, and pupils blown wide wistfully as he sought to steer his gaze away from your plump and oh-so red lips. the sight burned itself into his mind. underneath him with half-lidded eyes, you took in gasps of air, chest rising up and down from how wild and the present _fierceness_ behind it just blew you away.

sugawara shifts away from you, his body heat leaving yours had you feeling cold. "i-i.." he stammers, words clogged up as his mind was still fogged up with the steamy makeout that just happened. he couldn't get it off his mind. (what was he thinking?)

your gaze was fixated on nothing, still too lost from the hysteria and the feeling of his mouth on yours just a moment ago. it didn't submerge in till he stood up with haste from the sofa, bowing his head while he repeatedly apologized for his brash actions all the while with a flustered and guilty expression.

"i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry! i don't know what came over me--! i'm sorry if i made you feel so uncomfortable!" with hasty movements, he gets up and picks up his things. a part of him is dying with embarrassment and screaming that he needs to leave, while the other wants to stay and discuss _what the hell just happened_.

you, on the other hand, were silent as a rock. you held up a hand to your lips, tracing over remnants of his margin on yours - the boundary between you two felt suffocating.

when you still didn't reply, he ends up leaving anyway, with a false promise of seeing you another day along with another wave of apologies. you still stayed starstruck on the sofa, hand hovering over your mouth.

your lips tingled and the memory of the kiss had the apples of your cheeks blossom with a cherry red tint.

* * *

sugawara had been avoiding you for nearly a week since the _happy accident_ that happened at your house. you asked (keyword; tried) daichi and asahi on why the third year acted this way. they both shared the same answer. 

_**there was too much at stake.** _

you racked your brain to understand their vague answers, but none of which you thought could help you with your dilemma. this was stupid. it was just a kiss (tl; a heavy makeout session). why did he spare the need to talk about it? you decided enough was enough. you had - no, _need_ to confront him now.

you pleaded daichi to have sugawara excused for a while just so you could talk. the former seems to have no qualms in letting the aforementioned male. daichi mentions sugawara himself has been feeling quite down in the dumps. he profusely requested that you make amends with the setter. it was disheartening to see the usually jovial and tranquil male all grim.

"sugawara, please," you stop the male as soon as he exited the main building. he tried desperately to avoid you all week. this is, yet again, the same mistake he's done before. running away when confronting your souls.

"we should talk about it."

"talk about what? there's nothing up for discussion." _stop avoiding the topic._

"no, as a matter of fact, _there is_. what's with you? why have you been avoiding me all week-" you place a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched at the touch. you took a step back with eyes filled with a weary, hurt, and guilty conscience.

sugawara thinks point on black and white. he couldn't begin to explain why he did that nor does he want to. things won't be the same anymore. 

you sigh heavily, head tilting down to glare harshly on the ground near the soles of your feet. "what are _we_ , koushi?"

_i had hoped something more,_ "we're just friends," he swallowed down the spite in his throat.

"what kind of friends do that kind of thing?" the chuckle that left your mouth had no humor to it. dusky irises trailed over your plethoric lips once more, recollecting the kiss yet again. sugawara mentally scorns himself.

"it's not worth the fight, koushi." you try and meet his eyes in which he reciprocates with a gaze filled with anxiety and guilt. you take a hold of his hands, rubbing circles on his knuckles - something you usually did to calm his nerves. his lips quivered as he forced himself to let go. _to let you go_.

unspoken words met with an umbra of fleeting eyes. _there's no turning back_. sugawara didn't want to risk losing something great. someone like you, at the very least.

"i'm sorry," he lowly mutters, letting go of your hand as he slowly turns towards the other direction, already yearning for your touch on his arm. it had to be this way, right? there wasn't a time where sugawara neglected to count all of his mistakes.

mistakes of one in a million. 

you felt small as sugawara slowly but surely slipped away from your grasps. with a weak voice, you called out to him, in hopes that he'd answer your calling and return once more to your arms. although his retreating figure showed no assurance of such, you wished you could've thought of ways to seek closure.

just one more kiss. one more cuddle. one more possibility to make amends that you hoped to be endless. but those possibilities only made chances for you and him - not you _together_.


End file.
